Almost a year ago to the day, Mike returned from a 365 deployment in Afghanistan. He left when our daughter was 15 months and returned when she was 27 months. His mission was to train Afghan pilots how to fly helicopters, flying all over the country in remote lands and unknown landing zones. I waited on baited breath every day until I heard from him. That was enough of a recharge that I needed to know he was ok and that I could make it through another day at home. Of course there were days that I didn't hear from him, and those days were the absolute worst. I couldn't leave the house because I was afraid he'd call. I was scared of anyone who knocked on my door because I feared they'd be in formal uniform delivering me bad news. Those days were not fun and just thinking about it now makes me sick to my stomach.
Being a military spouse is not an easy job, but it is one that I chose. I feel honored to have made some beautiful friendships with other military wives who just "get it." No wonder we consider ourselves an exclusive club. Not everyone is cut out for this life. And to be honest, when I first got married to Mike, it never really crossed my mind that he would deploy to a war zone for an entire year and I may not ever see him again. There are very odd conversations that you have with your active duty spouse that you wouldn't normally have, like updating his will and where he would like to be buried. Who wants to talk about this stuff and worry about their future? We try to live every day in the present and not dread on what the future may challenge us with, because there will be many, many challenges.
Because of social media these days, it is hard not to roll my eyes at some statuses I read on Facebook. Stuff like, "Oh my gosh, my husband is gone for a week! What am I going to do?!?" or, "I wish my husband didn't have to work so late, I really am tired today and want to take a night off" or my favorite, "My husband is so wonderful! He took the kids out so I could get my nails done/hair did/have a night out with the girls." And p.s. I hate all of you that have posted such crap. ESPECIALLY when my husband was deployed. (I mean, I don't hate YOU, I just hate the post you wrote. I'm sorry for being jealous. I couldn't help it.) I really try to be sensitive these days to the friends I have on Facebook and what they're going through. Because I have a lot of military ladies in my life and I know several whose husbands are deployed at this moment. I feel for them. And I ache for them. Because I know what they're feeling right now. And it totally sucks. Time will just drag like you wouldn't believe and you feel completely alone. The times where you feel like you are crumbling are the times you don't want to show anyone how bad you really are. Your job is to show people you are strong, to act 'fake', and pretend like you are handling this without any trouble. When the truth this, there are days where you feel like you can't even breathe, where the weight on your chest is literally crushing you. I would walk through our house and notice family pictures and just immediately start crying at the thought that these pictures may be all I have left of him. I would stare at the clothes in his closet and think about what I would do if I had to pack up his things because he wouldn't be coming home. Isn't that awful?
This post really isn't uplifting is it? But my blog is not intended to be fake. It is not for people to feel bad about themselves either. I don't want my friends whose spouse's are deployed to read this and worry more about their husbands even more. I just want them to read this and know that the feelings that they struggle with on a daily basis are what I went through for an entire year myself. And if our family can get through it, so can theirs. Prayer is a constant and daily occurrence. Support groups, social outings, play dates and busy calendars are the keys to getting through a deployment. The time will SLOWLY tick by, but it will get there. And soon you will have your husband in your arms again and you will feel like you are floating above the ground.
One thing that I did not expect when we saw Mike for the first time was how our daughter Rory would react. She had just barely turned two and I had woken her up in the middle of the night to take her to the airport. I literally felt like I was walking on the clouds and had butterflies in my stomach. Being that Rory is a military kid, she is pretty resilient. She is so used to change and going from two parents to one, that seldom does a change in her routine rattle her. As we waited behind airport security for Mike to walk through the doors, I saw him from a distance and immediately started crying. I said to Rory, "Look, there's your Daddy! I see him!" and I pointed in his direction. As soon as he walked through the doors, Rory yelled, "Dada!" and started crying. But she was not sad. They were happy tears. I had no idea that a child so small could cry out of pure joy at having her Daddy back home. What an amazing feeling it was to have us all together again. These reunions are why we do what we do. Why us military spouses just keep going. We know there is good in the world, and we are so immensely proud of our loved ones for what they do for us and for our country.
And here we are now, a year later as a complete family. Unlike the year Mike was gone, this year literally went by in a blink. It was filled with many reunions, vacations and quality time spent just being us. We have all grown as a family as we now have three year old, we are expecting a little boy in February, and Mike is now in the CV-22 Osprey training program. These are very important milestones for our little family and we are so grateful to be on this journey together.
I promise to document our daily comings and goings more now as I feel like I have finally surrendered to my love of writing. And I finally figured out how to link my two previous blogs into this one. So for those of you that are just now reading this, you will be able to see my blogs from the very beginning, when I was a 24 year old graduate student about to marry my high school sweetheart. All of my posts are very random and most are pretty ridiculous. And I am happy that you are taking the time to read this blog. Thank you dear friends!
