Tough Decision

Last Tuesday, I experienced yet another earthquake. I flew out of bed at 10:30 that night with my heart pounding faster than I think it ever has. I jolted so quickly that I nearly fainted and braced myself in the doorway with Mike and Huey. That was when I started to feel like this whole experience was far from over. Combined with the news reports about the Fukishima Nuclear Power Plant and you can see why it would put someone on edge. That evening and early next morning when I checked my email, several family members were urging me to leave being that I'm pregnant and radiation exposure was not worth taking the risk, no matter how small. I was starting to feel agoraphobic, afraid to leave the house or take Huey for a walk for fear that I was inhaling small amounts of radiation and exposing my unborn child to lots of risk. I went to work that day, on edge and full of emotions and wishing that I did not have to teach a class full of first graders.

Mike was on alert that day, staying near the phone at home to be crew rested in case the call came where he would have to fly in harms way. I was on edge about this as well, what wife wouldn't be? I don't want my husband near any sort of danger, no matter how slight. But, being that Mike is in the military, this is his job. Everyday that he leaves the house and I know he is going to be up in the air somewhere, I give him a kiss and I tell him to "fly safe." His response is usually a smirk and a "I always am" before he walks out the door. Usually, I don't get emotional when we go through this routine because I know that his missions are safe, that the unexpected CAN happen, but the chances are very slight. In this case, when Mike is flying 200 miles north towards a nuclear plant where radiation is leaking and the unknowns of how stable this all is, you can see another reason why I was falling apart.

Fortunately, by my lunch hour that day, Mike was still waiting on the call at home so I decided to go home during my lunch break and talk to him about the severity of all of this. Both of us were on the fence about what do to...Should I leave my job behind to go back home where it was deemed "safe"? What do I do about Huey if they do decide to evacuate us? Would they allow our pets to go as well or should I take him with me? It was understood that Mike would not be allowed to go with me, nor would he want to as he would do the noble thing by helping the Japanese. By the end of the conversation, after many tears on my end, we really had made no decision and decided to just wait it out a little longer and see if the plant would get better. That night, both of my friends came over to our house and could see through my swollen eyes and all of my worry. They both calmed me down and reassured me that everything was fine, that my pregnancy hormones were getting the better of me and in essence, I was overreacting. These were the things I needed to hear. Maybe I was overreacting? No one else seemed to be leaving and surely I wasn't the only pregnant woman in Japan. Why was I being so silly about all of this?

However, by the next morning, things were steadily getting worse. I checked my email and it seems my worries and fears rubbed off on my neighbor Kim. She sent me an email saying that other women were leaving now as well and suggested that we both travel back to the U.S. together. I was all for that as I was tired of being caught between a rock and a hard place. The last thing I wanted to do was leave my husband behind. However, my emotions were unraveling at the drop of at hat and I could sense that I was becoming somewhat of a burden for Mike as he had to worry about me, our unborn baby and our dog as opposed to focusing on how to perform his job safely and with ease.

By Thursday night, the decision was final and the $2000 tickets were purchased. Kim, her baby Mallory, our two dogs Huey and Maverick and myself were all to fly to the U.S. Saturday. We'd fly directly to New York where I would stay at my sister's and she would continue on to Texas and stay with her parents. Flash forward two days later and here I am sitting in my sister's living room with Huey snuggled on my lap. I feel very weird and displaced not being home, not being a work like I should be and especially not being with Mike. It's scary because I really don't know when we'll be back. Will it be 2 weeks before we get the all clear to return or 2 months? At that point, school will be over. As of right now, everything remains safe and stable at Yokota. There are no radiation levels detected and things seem to be running smoothly and normally. However, with that unknown looming ahead and not knowing whether the nuclear plant will get better or worse, Mike and I made the tough decision to send me and Huey back, in case a mandatory evacuation order was placed and we'd have to leave immediately. I left when Yokota issued a voluntary evacuation order, giving families of military members the option to stay or go. Like my Yokota family members, I'm on edge and worried about my family back home. Mol and Ben live over subway racks and every time I hear that rumbling sound and feel the floor start to vibrate, I get on edge, almost waiting for another earthquake to happen.

I will say that I am so grateful to be back home and spend time with my sister and see her happy and pregnant. I will be able to go to her baby shower that I've been virtually planning the past few months. I get to spend time with my mom and visit a couple friends on the east coast. There is no doubt that Mike and I made the right decision to send us back, but that doesn't mean it was easy. I can only continue to pray for the lives that were lost and for the men and women who have stayed behind to help all the Japanese in need of assistance. Thank you for your kind words and for thinking of us.

Just to make you smile, here's a video that the Japanese made to explain to children what was going on with the nuclear power plant. It's really funny actually and you gotta love Japanese take on this!

Earthquake and Tsunami

We're coming up on the two year mark living in Japan and I must say, up until two days ago, I had never felt an earthquake. I'd get on facebook occasionally and see statuses from other friends saying "Did you feel that?" or "Wow! That one woke me up" but I had never really noticed one. On Friday after school, I felt my first one.

Fortunately the students were out already when the earthquake happened and had plenty of time to meet up with their parents. Around 2:45 pm, I was sitting at my desk typing when I started to feel really dizzy. I sat there for a few seconds before I realized that it was actually an earthquake I was feeling and that I was in fact, not sick. I turned around from my desk and noticed that the blinds were shaking and the emergency exit sign was swaying directly over my head. I figured it would stop in a few seconds (because they never really last that long) and was actually excited that I was experiencing an earthquake since I had not yet felt one while living here. However, as the seconds kept ticking away, I realized that this one wasn't going to stop anytime soon, although it still didn't feel strong at that point. I went out into the hallway and called my two co-workers. They both came out of their rooms and we chatted about how this was the first earthquake we had felt and how cool it was. Then suddenly, the earthquake increased its intensity. Not only were the blinds shaking, the walls were literally moving from side to side and it started to get very loud. We immediately ducked ourselves under some nearby tables and waited it out. It was no longer funny to us and at that point, it all started to feel real. One of my co-workers started to pray aloud while the other was saying how scared she was. I just breathed in and out, really slowly but loud as well, as that is what I tend to do when I get scared. There have been a few times in my life where panic goes out the window and at that point, you can only think about how you can get through the next few moments. You don't have time to think about the worst case scenario, so you calmly breathe your way through the experience you're having and hope that the episode will pass. This was the state I was in at that moment. And then suddenly, as quickly as the intensity of the earthquake had built, it all stopped. This funniest thing about all of this (if you can have a sense of humor with all that is going on in Japan right now) was that our cleaning lady was busy vacuuming away while three teachers (myself included) were tucked under tables. She's kind of old so I don't know if she understood what was actually happening, or if she just thought we were crazy ladies, or maybe her hearing was muffled by the sound of the vacuum whirring across the floor.

After it stopped, we climbed out from under the tables and all kind of chuckled at how we handled that situation...maybe we should have gone outside, we were probably overreacting, there was no way the earthquake was that strong. I then went about my business as usual, making a few copies, checking my email. A couples times, I started to feel dizzy again and even my feet on the floor felt like they were vibrating. These were the rumbling aftershocks of the initial earthquake. After about 20 minutes, I decided to call Mike and see if he had felt it where he was. He'd been working the night shift the past week so was actually at home asleep while it happened. He said that he woke up to Huey barking and thought maybe someone was at the door but quickly noticed that all the picture frames were shaking on the walls. As the earthquake intensified for him, he immediately picked up the dog and ran down the stairs. Earthquake drills tell you to stay inside until the earthquake has stopped but fortunately, we have a big field right in front of our house so Mike and the dog (plus our neighbor and her two babies) stood outside away from any buildings. Mike said it was so weird being outside while it was happening as the cars were shaking and the trees were moving back and forth. I was unable to get ahold of Mike right away as the phones lines seemed to be very busy at that point. Finally, after a few tries, Mike picked up and we immediately told our stories of what happened. During our conversation, another earthquake occurred and this time, I wanted to be outside for fear if it got any worse than the last one did. I got off the phone with Mike and went outside and made sure the cleaning lady came with us this time. The second earthquake was not nearly as long or as intense as the previous one but enough to get you nervous again.

After that go-round, I felt it was time to go home. I got my stuff and started for my car when my co-worker called me into her room and had the news on. It was only then that I realized how bad this earthquake really was. I heard the phone ring and picked it up and spoke with Mike again. He told me to come home in case any more occurred and he just wanted to be sure he knew where I was in case he had to get called in for work.

When I walked in the door, my dad was on the other line with Mike, so I spoke with him and also wished him a happy birthday. After talking to him, Mike said it would be a good idea to wake up my mom and sister and let them know that we were ok. The news was blaring from our television and their coverage was making it look like all of Japan was affected as much as Sendai was. I tried for a few hours to get in touch with them but the phone lines were tied up, probably because other people had the same idea to get in touch with family.

As the night went on, Mike and I were able to touch base with our parents and siblings and let them know we were ok. Our neighbor Kim and her daughter Mallory came over, and together we all watched the news unfold about how catastrophic this earthquake really had been. We were shocked to see the footage of the tsunami wiping out villages and the devastation that was being left behind. While watching the news, I kept getting teary eyed, seeing cars try to outrun this massive wave and people sitting on rooftops, waving white sheets and waiting for help. We also learned that both nearby airports had shut down for warning of a tsunami. As a result, 11 commercial aircraft landed on our runway as they were unable to land in Tokyo. Here are two pictures that I downloaded from our base website.

Fortunately, by the end of the night, 9 of the aircraft were able to take off and go to one of the airports that had opened up two of its runways. The other two aircraft, totaling about 500 passengers, opted to stay overnight. They were housed on base and through our many volunteers, were well taken care of. I myself wanted to go over but was told that volunteers were being turned away as they had enough help for the time being. Below is a video of travelers who stayed on our base overnight.

Video

And now, what you see on the news is pretty much all the information that I'm getting as well. We are very lucky where our base is located as we were not close enough to the water or fortunately, to the epicenter, where Sendai got hit the hardest. Please pray for those that have been affected by this natural disaster and for the armed men and women (including my husband) that are being tasked in some way to help out.

Blog Material

Here ya go. Some blogging material for ya'll to enjoy ; )

I am: keeping a secret
I think: that I am the luckiest girl in the world
I know: I am extremely stubborn
I want: to have a 3 day weekend every week
I wish: I was taller, always have
I hate: crumbs in my bed
I miss: my family back in the U.S.
I fear: flying by myself
I feel: anxious lately and must know what's coming WAY before it's time
I hear: The View in the background
I smell: left over pickles on my coffee table that I decided not to eat
I crave: a day of warmth and sunshine where I can ride my bike and enjoy the Spring weather
I search: facebook and blogs daily
I wonder: if I'll always worry this much
I regret: ever hurting anyone's feelings
I love: my family, my close friends and especially my pup and husband
I ache: for those that have had hard times in their life
I care: way too much about what others think of me
I always: set the volume on my tv on an even number...I'm a little OCD
I am not: patient with projects, but I am with children
I believe: in God and that everything happens for a reason
I dance: when a great song is on, usually when I'm playing Mike's IPod and I'm drying my hair
I sing: all the time, especially in the car since I only have one English radio channel
I cry: very easily these days
I don't always: follow up with letters or emails
I fight: with my husband sometimes just to see how much he cares
I write: daily, usually on a whiteboard
I win: rock, paper, scissors more often that I lose
I lose: my keys (but very rarely because I always try to put things back in the same spot)
I never: snore, and I never will!
I confuse: complicated math problems...that's why I teach 1st grade
I listen: to 17 children say "Mrs. Quinn" all at the same time ALL day long
I can usually be found: on facebook or my email
I am scared: of illness, involving me or anyone I love
I need: a cleaning lady (just every other week though, I'm not that sloppy!)
I am happy about: the life I have been blessed with, the opportunities I have received, and the important people in my life

My REAL Excuse

There's an unknown truth that a lot of women have in common and that is the word "miscarriage." Back in August, I discovered I was pregnant, and not even 3 days later, discovered I was miscarrying. That hit me harder than anything I have ever experienced. I was not planning to get pregnant but those 3 days when I thought I was, I was literally walking on air. I was SO excited and amazed at the chance to be a mother. I couldn't wait to share the news. And then so suddenly, it was all taken away from me and my heart broke in a million pieces. Believe me, I've done a lot of research and questioning "why me" and "what if" and I've come to realize that miscarriage does not impact women in the same degree. In my case, having my first pregnancy end in a miscarriage made me think and question whether I could ever carry a child. I was terrified to ever start trying again for fear that it would end the same. On the flip side, there are other women who handle miscarriages in a positive light. They rationalize that it was "nature's way" of taking care of an abnormal pregnancy and that they will still be given the chance to become a mother someday.

I do believe that everything happens for a reason, that God only gives us what we can handle and he knew that this was something I could overcome and grow from. Having a miscarriage brought Mike and I closer together--It was the first devastating thing that he and I had experienced as a married couple. We've been through the death of loved ones but this somehow impacted us both greatly on a different level. The first couple days were devastating where I didn't even want to get out of bed. But that slowly got better. Then I had to face my fears of seeing other mommy's with their little ones and that just fed this unknown desire to become a mother myself. And then there were pregnant women in general. Seeing other women with child or reading the wonderful news of friends who revealed that they were pregnant became too much to bear at times. I considered getting off of facebook because I felt that it was doing me more harm than good, making me envious of others instead of happy, but as time went on, I got better.

After going through this experience, I realized how much of a private person I really was. That any new news of any value, I wanted to keep between my close friends and family until I was ready.

S0 I'm now ready to share my new news.... I'm PREGNANT! And not JUST pregnant, I'm 14 pounds heavier and 20 weeks pregnant! Mike and I are SO excited, worried, nervous and anxious about this baby. I assume that these are all normal feelings for first time parents who both worry and have anxiety about everything. I also know that once our baby comes, we will still feel these same feelings, but in different degree.

I conveniently took the test when Mike was away at IP school so I had to share the news with him over the phone...and then wait almost two months until I saw him in person.

11 weeks.

There's our little one, looking right at the camera. I fell in love instantly.

12 weeks, nothing really happening yet...

13 weeks

14 weeks

15 weeks

16 weeks

17 weeks

18 weeks

19 weeks

20 weeks.

Look at that little face, probably yawning ; )

Well, there you have it. I have officially "outed" myself. Now, to tackle with facebook....I've never really liked sharing news on there. I may wait just a little bit longer.