Lazy. Tired. Fat. Uncomfortable. Excited. Anxious. Nervous. Hopeful. Ready....
These are the words that best describe me at this point. We are waiting for our second little one to join us, a baby boy that will change our family dynamic for the better. We have wanted this baby for a long, long time. God had a different timeline than the one I wanted, that's for sure. But I'm so happy to be where I am right now in life and so so thankful that we are about to be blessed with our second miracle.
I thought I wouldn't be worried at this point because we are practically there. My nurturing instincts long to hold this baby that I feel squirming and kicking in my belly. And our first born, she is SO SO ready and excited. She is 3 1/2 now my goodness. And she totally gets it. She really, really wants to be a big sister. And I know she will be a great one. She is so motherly to all her friends and toys and I can totally see her being such a great help to me when this guy gets here. She asks me questions like, "What will my brother look like?" and she is adamant that he will NOT have red hair, he will have brown hair like Mama. She is curious with all the baby items that are set up and organized around the house and wants to jump in and help wherever she can. Watching her excitement has me beyond thrilled. It wasn't the age gap that I wanted between my two babies, but this was the plan all along and I am very grateful that she shows such interest and excitement!
I am so ready for our family to grow into a family of 4 and watch Rory interact with her baby brother. I guess with all these emotions going through my mind as of late, I also allow myself to worry. I am a worrier by nature and don't take things in stride. I feel like I need to know how things are going to go before they happen so that I am mentally and physically prepared. That's just how I've always been, and that is not necessarily a good thing when it comes to having babies. I want the birth to go well (as all mothers do) and I envision it being a relatively smooth process like Rory's was. The difference this time around is that I have gestational diabetes, something I did not have with Rory. I was very thrown off when I was was told I had it because I'm not a typical candidate for GD. I cried and blamed myself for a few days after finding out the news. And then I felt sorry for myself because I wanted to indulge in all those yummy treats that you're given a free pass to when you're pregnant. "Oh, I am totally having that milkshake, I'm pregnant! Dude, that pizza will be amazing with that chocolate cake right after! Oh I obviously can't go to bed without a handful of amazing chocolates!" And let's top that off with me finding out literally days before Thanksgiving. So all those amazing treats were avoided, as were the Christmas cookies and, and dare I say it, seasonal Starbucks beverages that I wait a YEAR to enjoy. And before the lecture of "it could be a lot worse," yes, obviously I know that. I'm sorry if I sound selfish because I certainly don't mean to. What I will say is that having this diagnosis has also been a blessing in disguise. Physically, I wasn't feeling that great before being told I had GD. After changing my diet and exercise habits, I honestly feel great! My back used to ache horribly by the end of the day, and now I feel energized and way more upbeat than I did through my first pregnancy. I also haven't gained that much weight at this point (which is a huge plus obviously!) and am very confident that it will come off fairly quickly after having this guy. I plan to enjoy some of the cravings I missed out on while pregnant the first week after he's born, but then I will jump back on the wagon and follow this diet until the weight has come off. And exercise has been a huge part of this pregnancy that I really gave myself a pass from when pregnant with Rory. I love to exercise, don't get me wrong. My passion is running. But the idea of running with a big belly is just not my cup of tea. Certainly there are other mothers that do it but I am not one of them. Once the all clear is given to exercise again, I will be very happy and willing to get back out there. Running is a release for me and is very much a spiritual thing as well as physical. It's the one thing I'm sort of good at and I enjoy the fresh air. (So do Rory and Huey and I know they miss accompanying me on our runs.) Because I'm having this guy in the winter, I may confine us all to our playroom/workout room in the garage since we've got several heaters stationed around a great treadmill. I'm excited! Not as excited as I am to meet our baby boy, but excited just the same :)
Being a mom for a second time is a funny thing. I was looking back at my post from when I was 37 weeks pregnant with Rory and the nesting urge was in full overdrive back then! Not that I am not ready for this guy, but I just have not pressured myself to such necessities that seem so important the first time around. Brand new baby clothes just don't appeal to me these days (unless they are a gift of course!) I've been really into hand me downs and going to a great consignment shop and finding hidden treasures that will work perfectly for our little guy. This baby doesn't have a room either. I have set up a designated corner in our bedroom because I learned the first time with Rory that I am a co-sleeping Mama. I was very nervous to admit that with Rory because of the backlash I was afraid I would receive from others. But now I don't care what other people think. For me, that is what works best. I sleep best when my baby is next to me and we develop a beautiful nursing relationship. I discovered that I love wearing my baby the first time so I have no desire to stress about strollers and carseats and all that crap. Of course we still have all of it from the first time around from when Rory was a baby, but I know that, unless we are in the car, baby will be strapped to me or in my arms (if you're here, I promise I'll share him!) I wore Rory constantly and nursed her in our carrier and it was great. So easy. My arms were always free and she was happy. Oh and get this, I nursed her on demand too! No schedule for us! No looking at the time to see when she last ate. I didn't put her on a nap routine either. Just followed her cues and was really relaxed about it all. Thank goodness, because like I said before, I am not a relaxed person by nature. I know this baby will have a different temperament that Rory did. That is just human dynamics. But I also know how I am as a mother and I feel confident that my instincts will kick into overdrive just like they did the last time.
I am also aware that there will be a huge disruption in our daily routine in the upcoming weeks. No longer will I wake up to a cute little preschooler telling me about her dreams and what she wants for breakfast. More likely, it will be a little baby telling me he's hungry in the the middle of the night and then refusing to go back to sleep. I will no longer be able to take my time in the shower (if even get a daily shower at all as I'm so blessed with these days.) I will have to think about the extra items to bring with me every time we go out of the house since I'll have a baby in diapers again. It will be new and it will be an adjustment, but we are very ready for these exciting changes.
Speaking of exciting changes, we have learned of a new opportunity of where we could possibly move to in the upcoming months. I won't be saying where to yet because it isn't "official" in the military world but I will say it is a great change from where we are at now and I do hope that it all works out for the best. One of the first things you learn being in the military (active duty or spouse affiliated) is that things change a lot. And the way you envision your life going can change in the snap of the finger. Nothing is official until you literally are on a plane to your next assignment. Even shipping your household goods there doesn't mean it will happen. I actually have a friend that that happened to. Isn't that lovely?!?
So for now, we are in a waiting game. Waiting for our new baby. Waiting for our next assignment. Waiting for Mike to complete his training in the V-22. But the most recent wait that we will soon cross off our list is seeing Grandma Vee Bee in a little over two weeks! Yay yay yay! Huey and Rory and I are all so thrilled to have Veebs here for three whole weeks to help out! Or maybe baby boy will get here before her, but either way, we are so excited to welcome all the new company :)
Saturday, January 24, 2015
Sunday, November 2, 2014
Daylight savings time is stupid!
Last night after putting my sweet little one to bed at her regular bed time of 7:30, I sat down on the couch and realized that tomorrow (well today actually) is daylight savings time. People without kids or people with older kids don't mind this as their family can happily enjoy that extra hour of sleep. People with small kids however, curse this damn day. I said it to Mike last night... "Crap! I should have made her stay up! She's going to get me up extra early tomorrow." But seriously, who am I kidding??? This kid, along with other small children, seem to be telepathic and communicate to each other without being in the same place.
Small child to another small child:
"Hey! We get an extra hour tomorrow morning!"
"Yep! Say... Wouldn't it be great if we woke up an hour earlier instead and woke up our moms?!?"
"Yeah, let's ignore our dads and go straight for the moms. They don't need to sleep."
"I know right?!?"
However, imagine my (much anticipated surprise) when my curly Q came into my room at 5 am this morning. Not 6. Not 7. Not even 730 damn it! And in my stupidity last night, I actually let myself stay up because I was convinced I'd be able to get that extra hour of sleep. Not fair. I was tired. And I'm still tired. And since I'm pregnant, I don't drink coffee so there's just really nothing I can do but grumble and groan and try to ignore the kid jumping on my bed for a few more minutes. Oh, oh! Let me add that Rory doesn't quietly walk into my room. In fact, when she gets up in the morning, she is loud and proud about it. On this particular morning, she opened the door so hard that it slammed against the wall and made me shoot up from my perfect slumber surrounded by my meticulously placed pillows (I've gotta wedge some in certain places since I'm bound to just my side these days). Then she yelled, "THE SUN IS OUT!" That is what she usually pronounces when it's morning in our house. We have a rule of sorts that she can't come out of her room until she can see the sun. Well I guess my sweet little angel didn't realize that the sun was still sleeping and wouldn't be out for another two hours!!! Before I could even squeak a response from my still sleepy voice, Rory started to climb in my bed with her little Hispanic family. What? Did I say something that didn't flow with this story. Well, as a matter of fact, I didn't.
Side note, a brand new Lakeshore Learning Store opened up in our town and yesterday Rory and I paid the place a visit. I LOVE, LOVE teacher stores because I'm a teacher (well now I'm a SAHM but I USED to be a teacher.) Anyway, I knew she and I would have a great time there. So great in fact, that we were there for two hours. How the heck can I keep a child in a store for two hours you ask??? Well, Lakeshore learning is surrounded by wonderful teaching materials as well as awesome, educational toys. They have a lot in stock on the shelves but they also have plenty of toys that are open and on display for the kids to play with. They even had an art activity set up with an instructor! We were there for quite some time and I was happy to casually observe Rory playing. I wanted to get some ideas for Christmas as well. And in the back of my mind, I knew we wouldn't be leaving without a toy in hand so I made sure to wait and see which item just made her light up and totally consume her every attention. Low and behold, it happened to be a little, plastic Hispanic family complete with a mom, dad, brother and sister.
I think she connected with how this family had a brother and sister (which will be what our family will be like in a few months), the fact that the sister was wearing pink (her favorite color), and the color of this family's skin. We do live in New Mexico after all :) So anyway, she played with this family for hours after we got home and even slept with them in her bed last night. I was lucky enough to get to "snuggle with them" as she requested early this morning.
Alright, I feel like I've been up for hours and it's only 830. Wait a minute, probably because I have! That's ok, I will just continue to stare at the dishes in my sink...while listening to Super Why in the background...while being the single parent all weekend because Mike is flying.
Small child to another small child:
"Hey! We get an extra hour tomorrow morning!"
"Yep! Say... Wouldn't it be great if we woke up an hour earlier instead and woke up our moms?!?"
"Yeah, let's ignore our dads and go straight for the moms. They don't need to sleep."
"I know right?!?"
So in my house, I have a great sleeper. All you moms reading this can hate me, I don't care. The kid goes to bed between 7:30 and 8 on a typical night and doesn't come into my room until 7:30 the next morning. It is SO nice. I never hear a peep from her.
However, imagine my (much anticipated surprise) when my curly Q came into my room at 5 am this morning. Not 6. Not 7. Not even 730 damn it! And in my stupidity last night, I actually let myself stay up because I was convinced I'd be able to get that extra hour of sleep. Not fair. I was tired. And I'm still tired. And since I'm pregnant, I don't drink coffee so there's just really nothing I can do but grumble and groan and try to ignore the kid jumping on my bed for a few more minutes. Oh, oh! Let me add that Rory doesn't quietly walk into my room. In fact, when she gets up in the morning, she is loud and proud about it. On this particular morning, she opened the door so hard that it slammed against the wall and made me shoot up from my perfect slumber surrounded by my meticulously placed pillows (I've gotta wedge some in certain places since I'm bound to just my side these days). Then she yelled, "THE SUN IS OUT!" That is what she usually pronounces when it's morning in our house. We have a rule of sorts that she can't come out of her room until she can see the sun. Well I guess my sweet little angel didn't realize that the sun was still sleeping and wouldn't be out for another two hours!!! Before I could even squeak a response from my still sleepy voice, Rory started to climb in my bed with her little Hispanic family. What? Did I say something that didn't flow with this story. Well, as a matter of fact, I didn't.
Side note, a brand new Lakeshore Learning Store opened up in our town and yesterday Rory and I paid the place a visit. I LOVE, LOVE teacher stores because I'm a teacher (well now I'm a SAHM but I USED to be a teacher.) Anyway, I knew she and I would have a great time there. So great in fact, that we were there for two hours. How the heck can I keep a child in a store for two hours you ask??? Well, Lakeshore learning is surrounded by wonderful teaching materials as well as awesome, educational toys. They have a lot in stock on the shelves but they also have plenty of toys that are open and on display for the kids to play with. They even had an art activity set up with an instructor! We were there for quite some time and I was happy to casually observe Rory playing. I wanted to get some ideas for Christmas as well. And in the back of my mind, I knew we wouldn't be leaving without a toy in hand so I made sure to wait and see which item just made her light up and totally consume her every attention. Low and behold, it happened to be a little, plastic Hispanic family complete with a mom, dad, brother and sister.
I think she connected with how this family had a brother and sister (which will be what our family will be like in a few months), the fact that the sister was wearing pink (her favorite color), and the color of this family's skin. We do live in New Mexico after all :) So anyway, she played with this family for hours after we got home and even slept with them in her bed last night. I was lucky enough to get to "snuggle with them" as she requested early this morning.
Alright, I feel like I've been up for hours and it's only 830. Wait a minute, probably because I have! That's ok, I will just continue to stare at the dishes in my sink...while listening to Super Why in the background...while being the single parent all weekend because Mike is flying.
Saturday, October 4, 2014
Reflections over the past year and a half
I have been on a blogging hiatus. Who knows why. I have no excuses. Life goes through periods of ebbs and flows and I guess there was a time that I wasn't too inspired. I'll say that honestly, I stopped blogging when Mike deployed, although that should have been the time that I blogged the most. While he was gone, I often searched for other military inspired blogs and topics dealing with deployment. I wanted desperately to feel like one day, I too would make it on the other side and have my husband back safe and sound. And finally that day came.
Almost a year ago to the day, Mike returned from a 365 deployment in Afghanistan. He left when our daughter was 15 months and returned when she was 27 months. His mission was to train Afghan pilots how to fly helicopters, flying all over the country in remote lands and unknown landing zones. I waited on baited breath every day until I heard from him. That was enough of a recharge that I needed to know he was ok and that I could make it through another day at home. Of course there were days that I didn't hear from him, and those days were the absolute worst. I couldn't leave the house because I was afraid he'd call. I was scared of anyone who knocked on my door because I feared they'd be in formal uniform delivering me bad news. Those days were not fun and just thinking about it now makes me sick to my stomach.
Being a military spouse is not an easy job, but it is one that I chose. I feel honored to have made some beautiful friendships with other military wives who just "get it." No wonder we consider ourselves an exclusive club. Not everyone is cut out for this life. And to be honest, when I first got married to Mike, it never really crossed my mind that he would deploy to a war zone for an entire year and I may not ever see him again. There are very odd conversations that you have with your active duty spouse that you wouldn't normally have, like updating his will and where he would like to be buried. Who wants to talk about this stuff and worry about their future? We try to live every day in the present and not dread on what the future may challenge us with, because there will be many, many challenges.
Because of social media these days, it is hard not to roll my eyes at some statuses I read on Facebook. Stuff like, "Oh my gosh, my husband is gone for a week! What am I going to do?!?" or, "I wish my husband didn't have to work so late, I really am tired today and want to take a night off" or my favorite, "My husband is so wonderful! He took the kids out so I could get my nails done/hair did/have a night out with the girls." And p.s. I hate all of you that have posted such crap. ESPECIALLY when my husband was deployed. (I mean, I don't hate YOU, I just hate the post you wrote. I'm sorry for being jealous. I couldn't help it.) I really try to be sensitive these days to the friends I have on Facebook and what they're going through. Because I have a lot of military ladies in my life and I know several whose husbands are deployed at this moment. I feel for them. And I ache for them. Because I know what they're feeling right now. And it totally sucks. Time will just drag like you wouldn't believe and you feel completely alone. The times where you feel like you are crumbling are the times you don't want to show anyone how bad you really are. Your job is to show people you are strong, to act 'fake', and pretend like you are handling this without any trouble. When the truth this, there are days where you feel like you can't even breathe, where the weight on your chest is literally crushing you. I would walk through our house and notice family pictures and just immediately start crying at the thought that these pictures may be all I have left of him. I would stare at the clothes in his closet and think about what I would do if I had to pack up his things because he wouldn't be coming home. Isn't that awful?
This post really isn't uplifting is it? But my blog is not intended to be fake. It is not for people to feel bad about themselves either. I don't want my friends whose spouse's are deployed to read this and worry more about their husbands even more. I just want them to read this and know that the feelings that they struggle with on a daily basis are what I went through for an entire year myself. And if our family can get through it, so can theirs. Prayer is a constant and daily occurrence. Support groups, social outings, play dates and busy calendars are the keys to getting through a deployment. The time will SLOWLY tick by, but it will get there. And soon you will have your husband in your arms again and you will feel like you are floating above the ground.
One thing that I did not expect when we saw Mike for the first time was how our daughter Rory would react. She had just barely turned two and I had woken her up in the middle of the night to take her to the airport. I literally felt like I was walking on the clouds and had butterflies in my stomach. Being that Rory is a military kid, she is pretty resilient. She is so used to change and going from two parents to one, that seldom does a change in her routine rattle her. As we waited behind airport security for Mike to walk through the doors, I saw him from a distance and immediately started crying. I said to Rory, "Look, there's your Daddy! I see him!" and I pointed in his direction. As soon as he walked through the doors, Rory yelled, "Dada!" and started crying. But she was not sad. They were happy tears. I had no idea that a child so small could cry out of pure joy at having her Daddy back home. What an amazing feeling it was to have us all together again. These reunions are why we do what we do. Why us military spouses just keep going. We know there is good in the world, and we are so immensely proud of our loved ones for what they do for us and for our country.
And here we are now, a year later as a complete family. Unlike the year Mike was gone, this year literally went by in a blink. It was filled with many reunions, vacations and quality time spent just being us. We have all grown as a family as we now have three year old, we are expecting a little boy in February, and Mike is now in the CV-22 Osprey training program. These are very important milestones for our little family and we are so grateful to be on this journey together.
I promise to document our daily comings and goings more now as I feel like I have finally surrendered to my love of writing. And I finally figured out how to link my two previous blogs into this one. So for those of you that are just now reading this, you will be able to see my blogs from the very beginning, when I was a 24 year old graduate student about to marry my high school sweetheart. All of my posts are very random and most are pretty ridiculous. And I am happy that you are taking the time to read this blog. Thank you dear friends!
Almost a year ago to the day, Mike returned from a 365 deployment in Afghanistan. He left when our daughter was 15 months and returned when she was 27 months. His mission was to train Afghan pilots how to fly helicopters, flying all over the country in remote lands and unknown landing zones. I waited on baited breath every day until I heard from him. That was enough of a recharge that I needed to know he was ok and that I could make it through another day at home. Of course there were days that I didn't hear from him, and those days were the absolute worst. I couldn't leave the house because I was afraid he'd call. I was scared of anyone who knocked on my door because I feared they'd be in formal uniform delivering me bad news. Those days were not fun and just thinking about it now makes me sick to my stomach.
Being a military spouse is not an easy job, but it is one that I chose. I feel honored to have made some beautiful friendships with other military wives who just "get it." No wonder we consider ourselves an exclusive club. Not everyone is cut out for this life. And to be honest, when I first got married to Mike, it never really crossed my mind that he would deploy to a war zone for an entire year and I may not ever see him again. There are very odd conversations that you have with your active duty spouse that you wouldn't normally have, like updating his will and where he would like to be buried. Who wants to talk about this stuff and worry about their future? We try to live every day in the present and not dread on what the future may challenge us with, because there will be many, many challenges.
Because of social media these days, it is hard not to roll my eyes at some statuses I read on Facebook. Stuff like, "Oh my gosh, my husband is gone for a week! What am I going to do?!?" or, "I wish my husband didn't have to work so late, I really am tired today and want to take a night off" or my favorite, "My husband is so wonderful! He took the kids out so I could get my nails done/hair did/have a night out with the girls." And p.s. I hate all of you that have posted such crap. ESPECIALLY when my husband was deployed. (I mean, I don't hate YOU, I just hate the post you wrote. I'm sorry for being jealous. I couldn't help it.) I really try to be sensitive these days to the friends I have on Facebook and what they're going through. Because I have a lot of military ladies in my life and I know several whose husbands are deployed at this moment. I feel for them. And I ache for them. Because I know what they're feeling right now. And it totally sucks. Time will just drag like you wouldn't believe and you feel completely alone. The times where you feel like you are crumbling are the times you don't want to show anyone how bad you really are. Your job is to show people you are strong, to act 'fake', and pretend like you are handling this without any trouble. When the truth this, there are days where you feel like you can't even breathe, where the weight on your chest is literally crushing you. I would walk through our house and notice family pictures and just immediately start crying at the thought that these pictures may be all I have left of him. I would stare at the clothes in his closet and think about what I would do if I had to pack up his things because he wouldn't be coming home. Isn't that awful?
This post really isn't uplifting is it? But my blog is not intended to be fake. It is not for people to feel bad about themselves either. I don't want my friends whose spouse's are deployed to read this and worry more about their husbands even more. I just want them to read this and know that the feelings that they struggle with on a daily basis are what I went through for an entire year myself. And if our family can get through it, so can theirs. Prayer is a constant and daily occurrence. Support groups, social outings, play dates and busy calendars are the keys to getting through a deployment. The time will SLOWLY tick by, but it will get there. And soon you will have your husband in your arms again and you will feel like you are floating above the ground.
One thing that I did not expect when we saw Mike for the first time was how our daughter Rory would react. She had just barely turned two and I had woken her up in the middle of the night to take her to the airport. I literally felt like I was walking on the clouds and had butterflies in my stomach. Being that Rory is a military kid, she is pretty resilient. She is so used to change and going from two parents to one, that seldom does a change in her routine rattle her. As we waited behind airport security for Mike to walk through the doors, I saw him from a distance and immediately started crying. I said to Rory, "Look, there's your Daddy! I see him!" and I pointed in his direction. As soon as he walked through the doors, Rory yelled, "Dada!" and started crying. But she was not sad. They were happy tears. I had no idea that a child so small could cry out of pure joy at having her Daddy back home. What an amazing feeling it was to have us all together again. These reunions are why we do what we do. Why us military spouses just keep going. We know there is good in the world, and we are so immensely proud of our loved ones for what they do for us and for our country.
And here we are now, a year later as a complete family. Unlike the year Mike was gone, this year literally went by in a blink. It was filled with many reunions, vacations and quality time spent just being us. We have all grown as a family as we now have three year old, we are expecting a little boy in February, and Mike is now in the CV-22 Osprey training program. These are very important milestones for our little family and we are so grateful to be on this journey together.
I promise to document our daily comings and goings more now as I feel like I have finally surrendered to my love of writing. And I finally figured out how to link my two previous blogs into this one. So for those of you that are just now reading this, you will be able to see my blogs from the very beginning, when I was a 24 year old graduate student about to marry my high school sweetheart. All of my posts are very random and most are pretty ridiculous. And I am happy that you are taking the time to read this blog. Thank you dear friends!
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Half-way there!
Here we are, almost six months to the day since Mike left and oh, my poor, abandoned blog. This blog used to be such a great outlet for me, a place to type out all my thoughts and reminisce on fun family outings. Now, it has become something similar to a dusty book on a shelf, loved at one time, but now simply forgotten.
I love to write and I love how I am able to document our many activities and share them with our friends and family. It seems though that Mike's deployment has me in a lull of sorts. Don't get me wrong, I am happy and busy and content with the way my life is at the moment. It's just a piece of our family is missing, and I am not as excited about sharing our activities because it somehow just doesn't feel complete.
I am SO happy that we are half-way done with this deployment. BUT, guess what? We still have half-way to go. That part sucks. Most deployments in the Air Force are in the 4-6 month range and we are just now at the top of the hill. I get moments where I feel tired, frustrated, annoyed...but the thing that gets me the most is the worry. Gosh, I hate that part. I can handle Mike being gone for a year, we've done it plenty of times while dating. However, this is different because of where he is. To get me through this, I simply just ignore the fact that my husband is in a war zone. Really, how else can you get through it?!? If I constantly dwell and think about the fact that Mike is so far away, flying in the same cockpit with people that we are skeptical about, over hostile territory, I would not able to go through my day.
What I found that is simply amazing through this deployment so far is the outpouring of love and compassion from people. Really it SO nice! We live on a base where people seldom deploy, so Rory and I are kind of on our own, give or take a few families in similar circumstances. But oh my goodness, we have been so blessed with our neighbors and friends here. We are invited over to dinners ALL time, multiple times a week in fact. I have friends that just reach out to me just because, both near and far. It is really heart-warming. I also love how wonderful Mike's friends are. He has many friends from around the Air Force and they pop in at Kirtland for short and sometimes long trainings. It is really nice that these guys check in on us quite frequently and ask if there's anything they can do. Plus, it's nice for Rory to get some male interaction since she's used to just hanging around ladies.
It's weird to think of where I am right now and how well Rory and I are doing. We are so lucky that we get to talk to Mike and see him every day. Rory's innocent little mind probably just thinks that her daddy lives in the phone but she is so happy when he calls and the two of them "play" together every morning. I feel very blessed. And I try to keep in mind that it can always be worse.
One thing that I am SO grateful for was the fact that I got to visit Mike while he was on a TDY to Dubai last month. We had been apart for almost five months at that point and I admit I was starting to feel overwhelmed because we still had such a long way to go. I had no idea how we would be able to pull off a trip like that, because it was so last minute and stressful. I mean picture me waiting in the Dubai airport for over six hours with no sign of Mike. I worried that I travelled ALL that way and that his trip would be cancelled at the last minute. But fortunately, God was with us and He helped to make that reunion oh so sweet. I feel beyond blessed for that opportunity because most people don't get such a chance.
Now we are a month out from Mike's two-week R&R and we have MANY things planned to do as a family. Mike can choose to go anywhere he wants to go in the world, but his simple answer is that he wants to go home. And you know what? I don't blame him. What's better that being in your own house surrounded by your things with your family that you love?
Today is a Saturday, a day that most families love to enjoy and spend together. For us, the weekends are quite boring as we don't have Dada to spend it with. But we have a routine and we are plugging along. The hard part is over...the goodbye, the holidays, the cold winter. Spring is in full bloom now, it is warm outside and we just take it all in. Tonight we are having friends over for dinner, a great excuse for me to cook a fun meal and drink wine with company ; ) It won't replace my husband's absence and it pains me to think that he is in a small cubicle eating the same standard meal or something that can be heated only with hot water. There's nothing I can do about that except to tell him how proud I am of him and how amazing I think he is. And most importantly to be safe and that I love him.
I love to write and I love how I am able to document our many activities and share them with our friends and family. It seems though that Mike's deployment has me in a lull of sorts. Don't get me wrong, I am happy and busy and content with the way my life is at the moment. It's just a piece of our family is missing, and I am not as excited about sharing our activities because it somehow just doesn't feel complete.
I am SO happy that we are half-way done with this deployment. BUT, guess what? We still have half-way to go. That part sucks. Most deployments in the Air Force are in the 4-6 month range and we are just now at the top of the hill. I get moments where I feel tired, frustrated, annoyed...but the thing that gets me the most is the worry. Gosh, I hate that part. I can handle Mike being gone for a year, we've done it plenty of times while dating. However, this is different because of where he is. To get me through this, I simply just ignore the fact that my husband is in a war zone. Really, how else can you get through it?!? If I constantly dwell and think about the fact that Mike is so far away, flying in the same cockpit with people that we are skeptical about, over hostile territory, I would not able to go through my day.
What I found that is simply amazing through this deployment so far is the outpouring of love and compassion from people. Really it SO nice! We live on a base where people seldom deploy, so Rory and I are kind of on our own, give or take a few families in similar circumstances. But oh my goodness, we have been so blessed with our neighbors and friends here. We are invited over to dinners ALL time, multiple times a week in fact. I have friends that just reach out to me just because, both near and far. It is really heart-warming. I also love how wonderful Mike's friends are. He has many friends from around the Air Force and they pop in at Kirtland for short and sometimes long trainings. It is really nice that these guys check in on us quite frequently and ask if there's anything they can do. Plus, it's nice for Rory to get some male interaction since she's used to just hanging around ladies.
It's weird to think of where I am right now and how well Rory and I are doing. We are so lucky that we get to talk to Mike and see him every day. Rory's innocent little mind probably just thinks that her daddy lives in the phone but she is so happy when he calls and the two of them "play" together every morning. I feel very blessed. And I try to keep in mind that it can always be worse.
One thing that I am SO grateful for was the fact that I got to visit Mike while he was on a TDY to Dubai last month. We had been apart for almost five months at that point and I admit I was starting to feel overwhelmed because we still had such a long way to go. I had no idea how we would be able to pull off a trip like that, because it was so last minute and stressful. I mean picture me waiting in the Dubai airport for over six hours with no sign of Mike. I worried that I travelled ALL that way and that his trip would be cancelled at the last minute. But fortunately, God was with us and He helped to make that reunion oh so sweet. I feel beyond blessed for that opportunity because most people don't get such a chance.
Now we are a month out from Mike's two-week R&R and we have MANY things planned to do as a family. Mike can choose to go anywhere he wants to go in the world, but his simple answer is that he wants to go home. And you know what? I don't blame him. What's better that being in your own house surrounded by your things with your family that you love?
Today is a Saturday, a day that most families love to enjoy and spend together. For us, the weekends are quite boring as we don't have Dada to spend it with. But we have a routine and we are plugging along. The hard part is over...the goodbye, the holidays, the cold winter. Spring is in full bloom now, it is warm outside and we just take it all in. Tonight we are having friends over for dinner, a great excuse for me to cook a fun meal and drink wine with company ; ) It won't replace my husband's absence and it pains me to think that he is in a small cubicle eating the same standard meal or something that can be heated only with hot water. There's nothing I can do about that except to tell him how proud I am of him and how amazing I think he is. And most importantly to be safe and that I love him.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Want the skinny on skinny jeans???
My mom is sitting outside with my Roo and I'm sitting in my office with my skinny jeans. Do I feel skinny in them? Mmm, not really. Do they flatter my figure? Mmm, not so much. Do they look good with everything I wear? Mmm, nope. Then, why, do you ask, am I wearing them? Because they're cool that's why. And I want to be cool ya know. I just bought my I don't know how many-th pair of skinny jeans, hoping to find the ones that I am obsessed with and can prance around our house to show off to my 15 month old daughter. She seems impressed so I'm sold that this is the pair. We'll see, I may hate them next week, and my husband may hate my for buying them. I don't think he even likes skinny jeans on me to be honest. But truthfully, I must fit in, literally, which is why I have so many skinny jeans and why I insist on wearing them.
Now, I think when skinny jeans were invented, they were made for people with bodies that are pleasing to look at, where clothes just magically mold to their figures, not a curve nor a crease of undesired proportions to be had. When I wear skinny jeans, they are always too long, and obviously, too tight. I find that they bunch at my ankles, suffocate my calves and squeeze the crap out of my thighs to the point where I actually leave the top button undone so as to convince myself that these jeans are not as tight as they seem. (I only unbutton them when I'm in the house I swear, I mean come on, who doesn't???) And then this gets me thinking about all body types out there and the quirky names they give them. We've got the rectangle, the oval, the hour glass, the pear, the wedge (what?) and many other innocent names to describe them all. I personally think I'm a spoon. And here's why: I'm short (obviously) and, let's just say, well endowed in my derriere. The funny thing about this shape is that when I gain weight, I gain it in my ass and when I lose it, it vanishes from my non-existent bosom. (This is where I would insert a sad face but I don't know how.) It's a vicious cycle I tell you.
Funny thing happened to me a few years ago while wearing the infamous skinny jeans. Mike and I were getting ready to fly back to Japan from the states and, of course, I had to be fashionable. I picked out a cute sweater, skinny jeans and flats. The first half of the flight was rather uneventful. But then, after the cabin pressure started to show it's effects, I started to feel claustrophobic in my skinny jeans. I was like freaking out, I'm not even kidding. Mike just told me to suck it up. Well, that was after he told me I was stupid for wearing skinny jeans on a 14 hour flight. Back to my problem, I just could not fathom the idea of wearing these ridiculously, insanely tight pants anymore and came up with my own solution: I took my pants off. Now don't freak on me and think that I just stripped in front of the entire 747 Delta coach cabin. I discretely placed one of those scratchy blankets over my lap and voila, you couldn't even tell. But I will be honest when I say, it got kind of gross. You see, this was an old plane, therefore an old coach cabin with old, probably pleather seats. So of course I developed a case of SWASS (you know, sweaty ass) and then had another problem to overcome. Was it worth the skinny jeans or the swass? I caved and pried on the darn skinny jeans and since then, I have never looked back.
So what's the point this post? Mmm, no reason. Just felt like you wanted my take on skinny jeans.
Now, I think when skinny jeans were invented, they were made for people with bodies that are pleasing to look at, where clothes just magically mold to their figures, not a curve nor a crease of undesired proportions to be had. When I wear skinny jeans, they are always too long, and obviously, too tight. I find that they bunch at my ankles, suffocate my calves and squeeze the crap out of my thighs to the point where I actually leave the top button undone so as to convince myself that these jeans are not as tight as they seem. (I only unbutton them when I'm in the house I swear, I mean come on, who doesn't???) And then this gets me thinking about all body types out there and the quirky names they give them. We've got the rectangle, the oval, the hour glass, the pear, the wedge (what?) and many other innocent names to describe them all. I personally think I'm a spoon. And here's why: I'm short (obviously) and, let's just say, well endowed in my derriere. The funny thing about this shape is that when I gain weight, I gain it in my ass and when I lose it, it vanishes from my non-existent bosom. (This is where I would insert a sad face but I don't know how.) It's a vicious cycle I tell you.
Funny thing happened to me a few years ago while wearing the infamous skinny jeans. Mike and I were getting ready to fly back to Japan from the states and, of course, I had to be fashionable. I picked out a cute sweater, skinny jeans and flats. The first half of the flight was rather uneventful. But then, after the cabin pressure started to show it's effects, I started to feel claustrophobic in my skinny jeans. I was like freaking out, I'm not even kidding. Mike just told me to suck it up. Well, that was after he told me I was stupid for wearing skinny jeans on a 14 hour flight. Back to my problem, I just could not fathom the idea of wearing these ridiculously, insanely tight pants anymore and came up with my own solution: I took my pants off. Now don't freak on me and think that I just stripped in front of the entire 747 Delta coach cabin. I discretely placed one of those scratchy blankets over my lap and voila, you couldn't even tell. But I will be honest when I say, it got kind of gross. You see, this was an old plane, therefore an old coach cabin with old, probably pleather seats. So of course I developed a case of SWASS (you know, sweaty ass) and then had another problem to overcome. Was it worth the skinny jeans or the swass? I caved and pried on the darn skinny jeans and since then, I have never looked back.
So what's the point this post? Mmm, no reason. Just felt like you wanted my take on skinny jeans.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Bye bye Mike!
(Typed out two weeks ago)
Well, here I sit in the office on this beautiful Saturday while my little one is napping and my husband is watching football. Wait a second...you're wondering why I said husband right? Isn't he supposed to be deployed by now? You're probably concerned that I'm actually imagining his presence similar to how Dexter talks to his father when he's no longer around. I have had to pinch myself a couple times because, yes, it is true, Mike is actually here.
I should be jumping for joy. Yippeee, my husband is home and we get to spend more time with him! And believe me, I am overjoyed that he is still here with us. But let me preface this by saying that I feel like I've been through hell and back since Wednesday and now I'm rather "numb" to this whole deployment situation. Mike was supposed to deploy on Wednesday. Picture us the days leading up to deployment day and you would find me following Mike around (with Rory scampering behind) while Mike grabbed things here and there, scanned things, filed things, gave me lessons on how to operate certain "manly" tasks and zipped up ridiculously heavy luggage with other military items in tow. I let him watch whatever he wanted to watch on T.V. (um, I'm not a fan of news or sports which is why we always go for compromise channels), made every one of his favorite meals and didn't nag him about changing an unpleasant diaper or taking out the trash. I wanted him to feel as comfy and happy as possible and I was content with making him happy. During quiet moments when Mike was in another room or I was putting Rory to bed, that was when the tears would start. Silence was not good for me and anxious thoughts filled that silence for the unknown feelings of that final goodbye and the absence of my husband when he got on that plane. I tried my best to hold it together in front of Mike but I'm not as strong as I'd like to be so I had my moments. Mike was great through all of this, giving me pep talks, reminding me of all the times we were apart in high school and college and really, he was just wonderful to be around. I found myself hugging him longer than I normally would and wanting to spend every second of every day with him since the days leading up to his deployment were numbered.
On the day that he was supposed to leave, again, more tears, more talks, more hugs and reassurances. Rory and I were dressed in patriotic clothes and we even had a neighbor/friend take a few pictures of us before leaving the house. I drove Mike to the airport, checked in his luggage and walked him to security. I did not want a gate pass to go with him because I just could not stand the idea of hanging out and waiting for him to board the plane. I wanted to get that goodbye over with. And then the final goodbye was upon us. It was sad, especially seeing Rory say bye to Mike and her not really knowing that he was about to leave for a long time. I watched him unpack his things and walk through the scanner. And then I heard the airport page his name. Mike was too far away to see me flag him down and I didn't know if he heard them. I called his phone a few times but he didn't hear it. I honestly assumed that there was an issue with his weapons and decided to go down to the ticketing desk and see if there was anything I could do on my end. When I walked up there, I saw Mike's weapons container out which I knew wasn't good because he his flight was scheduled to leave in less than an hour. Then I saw the rest of his luggage and was really confused. I spoke to a woman at the counter and she informed me that she received a call to pull Mike's luggage from the plane because his flight was cancelled. So this time, I assumed that his rotator from Baltimore was cancelled which is why he wasn't allowed to leave from Albuquerque. Less than a minute later, Mike comes from around the corner to tell me his deployment had been cancelled. He didn't know why, all he was told was to not get on that plan because there was no longer a job waiting for him in the middle east.
To spare you the boring details over the next two days, what had happened was that "someone" accidentally deleted his position from the system and it was not intentional by any means. So we had to go through the process of getting his orders recut to reflect new dates and to schedule him on the next available rotator out of the U.S. To both of our surprise, the next one wasn't available for another two weeks. When we first got the news, we were both annoyed with the situation. Sure, I definitely wanted my husband around for as long as possible, but at the same time, here we were, with another two weeks of this dark cloud hanging over us and this awkward, empty sadness to fill the space and silent moments.
(Typed today)
Or so we thought...
The next two weeks turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I mean, it was wonderful. A stay-cation if you will. We relaxed, slept in, went out on excursions and even celebrated our four year anniversary. Oh, and lets not forget that we stripped down our horrible garage and have now turned it into a safe haven/playroom of sorts with tacky mix-matched decorations to boot! We even were lucky enough to take some last minute family photos before Mike headed out.
The best part about all of this, is that neither one of us were sad this time around. We smiled, we laughed and at times, admitted that we forgot he was deploying. We really relished the additional family time that we were blessed with and I amazed myself with how good I was doing. I wasn't crying at the the drop of a hat and for some reason, this overwhelming sense of peace had come over me. That I knew everything was going to be ok.
And so yesterday finally came, two years of knowing about this deployment, one year of off and on spin-up training, and there we were, standing embraced in the airport, hugging and kissing and sharing a few last moments before he got on that plane. I just got a call from Mike as he was about to board the rotator from Baltimore and he sounds good. Nervous, anxious, doesn't know what to expect, but ready just the same. Exactly how I feel. How a lot of people like us feel when faced with similar circumstances. But you know what? I almost feel embarrassed at how sad I have let myself get at times. It can be SO much more challenging. I've heard of one spouse who was so PROUD of her husband for getting an opportunity to deploy for a year to work with Afghans up close and personal. To me that sounds very daunting and scary to think about how long that will feel when two loved ones are apart. But to her, she just seemed so happy for him and what a great opportunity this was going to be for his career. And on the opposite spectrum, I have heard of another spouse who has a daughter roughly the same age as Rory and just gave birth to her second child, a son, while her husband is deployed. Her son was born with downs and several other medical conditions that requires him to have operations for the first few years of his life. Again, her spirit and positive wisdom just overwhelm and amaze me. I do not know these women in person, just through daily blog readings. But both of these ladies see the good that they have, and here I was stamping my feet while my husband goes to fulfill a commitment and responsibility that is called upon by his job. I feel very humbled at this point, and a lot of other things I'm not gonna lie. But this is the time to be grateful for the things I have and the people that I love. And really, that's all that matters.
Well, here I sit in the office on this beautiful Saturday while my little one is napping and my husband is watching football. Wait a second...you're wondering why I said husband right? Isn't he supposed to be deployed by now? You're probably concerned that I'm actually imagining his presence similar to how Dexter talks to his father when he's no longer around. I have had to pinch myself a couple times because, yes, it is true, Mike is actually here.
I should be jumping for joy. Yippeee, my husband is home and we get to spend more time with him! And believe me, I am overjoyed that he is still here with us. But let me preface this by saying that I feel like I've been through hell and back since Wednesday and now I'm rather "numb" to this whole deployment situation. Mike was supposed to deploy on Wednesday. Picture us the days leading up to deployment day and you would find me following Mike around (with Rory scampering behind) while Mike grabbed things here and there, scanned things, filed things, gave me lessons on how to operate certain "manly" tasks and zipped up ridiculously heavy luggage with other military items in tow. I let him watch whatever he wanted to watch on T.V. (um, I'm not a fan of news or sports which is why we always go for compromise channels), made every one of his favorite meals and didn't nag him about changing an unpleasant diaper or taking out the trash. I wanted him to feel as comfy and happy as possible and I was content with making him happy. During quiet moments when Mike was in another room or I was putting Rory to bed, that was when the tears would start. Silence was not good for me and anxious thoughts filled that silence for the unknown feelings of that final goodbye and the absence of my husband when he got on that plane. I tried my best to hold it together in front of Mike but I'm not as strong as I'd like to be so I had my moments. Mike was great through all of this, giving me pep talks, reminding me of all the times we were apart in high school and college and really, he was just wonderful to be around. I found myself hugging him longer than I normally would and wanting to spend every second of every day with him since the days leading up to his deployment were numbered.
On the day that he was supposed to leave, again, more tears, more talks, more hugs and reassurances. Rory and I were dressed in patriotic clothes and we even had a neighbor/friend take a few pictures of us before leaving the house. I drove Mike to the airport, checked in his luggage and walked him to security. I did not want a gate pass to go with him because I just could not stand the idea of hanging out and waiting for him to board the plane. I wanted to get that goodbye over with. And then the final goodbye was upon us. It was sad, especially seeing Rory say bye to Mike and her not really knowing that he was about to leave for a long time. I watched him unpack his things and walk through the scanner. And then I heard the airport page his name. Mike was too far away to see me flag him down and I didn't know if he heard them. I called his phone a few times but he didn't hear it. I honestly assumed that there was an issue with his weapons and decided to go down to the ticketing desk and see if there was anything I could do on my end. When I walked up there, I saw Mike's weapons container out which I knew wasn't good because he his flight was scheduled to leave in less than an hour. Then I saw the rest of his luggage and was really confused. I spoke to a woman at the counter and she informed me that she received a call to pull Mike's luggage from the plane because his flight was cancelled. So this time, I assumed that his rotator from Baltimore was cancelled which is why he wasn't allowed to leave from Albuquerque. Less than a minute later, Mike comes from around the corner to tell me his deployment had been cancelled. He didn't know why, all he was told was to not get on that plan because there was no longer a job waiting for him in the middle east.
To spare you the boring details over the next two days, what had happened was that "someone" accidentally deleted his position from the system and it was not intentional by any means. So we had to go through the process of getting his orders recut to reflect new dates and to schedule him on the next available rotator out of the U.S. To both of our surprise, the next one wasn't available for another two weeks. When we first got the news, we were both annoyed with the situation. Sure, I definitely wanted my husband around for as long as possible, but at the same time, here we were, with another two weeks of this dark cloud hanging over us and this awkward, empty sadness to fill the space and silent moments.
(Typed today)
Or so we thought...
The next two weeks turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I mean, it was wonderful. A stay-cation if you will. We relaxed, slept in, went out on excursions and even celebrated our four year anniversary. Oh, and lets not forget that we stripped down our horrible garage and have now turned it into a safe haven/playroom of sorts with tacky mix-matched decorations to boot! We even were lucky enough to take some last minute family photos before Mike headed out.
The best part about all of this, is that neither one of us were sad this time around. We smiled, we laughed and at times, admitted that we forgot he was deploying. We really relished the additional family time that we were blessed with and I amazed myself with how good I was doing. I wasn't crying at the the drop of a hat and for some reason, this overwhelming sense of peace had come over me. That I knew everything was going to be ok.
And so yesterday finally came, two years of knowing about this deployment, one year of off and on spin-up training, and there we were, standing embraced in the airport, hugging and kissing and sharing a few last moments before he got on that plane. I just got a call from Mike as he was about to board the rotator from Baltimore and he sounds good. Nervous, anxious, doesn't know what to expect, but ready just the same. Exactly how I feel. How a lot of people like us feel when faced with similar circumstances. But you know what? I almost feel embarrassed at how sad I have let myself get at times. It can be SO much more challenging. I've heard of one spouse who was so PROUD of her husband for getting an opportunity to deploy for a year to work with Afghans up close and personal. To me that sounds very daunting and scary to think about how long that will feel when two loved ones are apart. But to her, she just seemed so happy for him and what a great opportunity this was going to be for his career. And on the opposite spectrum, I have heard of another spouse who has a daughter roughly the same age as Rory and just gave birth to her second child, a son, while her husband is deployed. Her son was born with downs and several other medical conditions that requires him to have operations for the first few years of his life. Again, her spirit and positive wisdom just overwhelm and amaze me. I do not know these women in person, just through daily blog readings. But both of these ladies see the good that they have, and here I was stamping my feet while my husband goes to fulfill a commitment and responsibility that is called upon by his job. I feel very humbled at this point, and a lot of other things I'm not gonna lie. But this is the time to be grateful for the things I have and the people that I love. And really, that's all that matters.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Short update
Goodness has it been a long time or what? In my defense, I've been out of town for quite some time. Actually, I'm STILL out of town but I am longing to be home snuggled amongst my things. Mike has been busy with his training here in Florida and has just a handful of time left before he sets on for his deployment. We are all beyond ready...anxious, nervous, sad...not wanting him to go, but in turn, wanting him to leave so we can start the countdown instead of waiting in this uncertainty on the starting line. We are all ok. Oh wait, you were asking about me? I'm ok...no really, I am. I have known what was to come for some time now and I am very proud of my husband. We are so lucky that we could go this far with him before he sets off so now is the time for us to enjoy every second until he leaves.
In other news, Rory is blossoming into such fun and smart little kid. She turns 14 months next week and can say many words. The standard day to day words are hi, bye, mama, dada, huey, baby, brush, no, yea, wee, whoa, yay, uh oh, up, down, two, three (don't know why one is left out), night night, cheese, bubbles, thank you, juice, fish, shoes, and most importantly, doggie. It's so funny to have conversations with her and see that she actually understands what we are saying. The other day I was changing her dirty diaper while having an interesting conversation...
Today Rory was watching me shave my armpits and she said brush. I had to laugh because I guess the motion I was moving my hand looked like I was brushing something but I promise you, I don't brush my armpits!
She is great with directions (if they are a part of her plan of course) and will get her shoes and attempt to put them on when asked. She can also sign a few simple signs, 'all done' being the one she uses most frequently. When she signs all done, she combines it with a "Hai!" sound similar to that of a Japanese person agreeing with you. She still hates her car seat (I'm starting to think she'll never out grow this phase) and will let you know she's 'all done' in the car by signing it and shrieking "Hai!" from the back seat.
In other news, Rory is blossoming into such fun and smart little kid. She turns 14 months next week and can say many words. The standard day to day words are hi, bye, mama, dada, huey, baby, brush, no, yea, wee, whoa, yay, uh oh, up, down, two, three (don't know why one is left out), night night, cheese, bubbles, thank you, juice, fish, shoes, and most importantly, doggie. It's so funny to have conversations with her and see that she actually understands what we are saying. The other day I was changing her dirty diaper while having an interesting conversation...
Me: Rory, did you poop?
Rory: Yea.
Me: Did you poop a lot?
Rory: Yea.
Me: Does it smell bad?
Rory: Yea.
She is great with directions (if they are a part of her plan of course) and will get her shoes and attempt to put them on when asked. She can also sign a few simple signs, 'all done' being the one she uses most frequently. When she signs all done, she combines it with a "Hai!" sound similar to that of a Japanese person agreeing with you. She still hates her car seat (I'm starting to think she'll never out grow this phase) and will let you know she's 'all done' in the car by signing it and shrieking "Hai!" from the back seat.
Alright, time to go to bed!
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