My REAL Excuse

There's an unknown truth that a lot of women have in common and that is the word "miscarriage." Back in August, I discovered I was pregnant, and not even 3 days later, discovered I was miscarrying. That hit me harder than anything I have ever experienced. I was not planning to get pregnant but those 3 days when I thought I was, I was literally walking on air. I was SO excited and amazed at the chance to be a mother. I couldn't wait to share the news. And then so suddenly, it was all taken away from me and my heart broke in a million pieces. Believe me, I've done a lot of research and questioning "why me" and "what if" and I've come to realize that miscarriage does not impact women in the same degree. In my case, having my first pregnancy end in a miscarriage made me think and question whether I could ever carry a child. I was terrified to ever start trying again for fear that it would end the same. On the flip side, there are other women who handle miscarriages in a positive light. They rationalize that it was "nature's way" of taking care of an abnormal pregnancy and that they will still be given the chance to become a mother someday.

I do believe that everything happens for a reason, that God only gives us what we can handle and he knew that this was something I could overcome and grow from. Having a miscarriage brought Mike and I closer together--It was the first devastating thing that he and I had experienced as a married couple. We've been through the death of loved ones but this somehow impacted us both greatly on a different level. The first couple days were devastating where I didn't even want to get out of bed. But that slowly got better. Then I had to face my fears of seeing other mommy's with their little ones and that just fed this unknown desire to become a mother myself. And then there were pregnant women in general. Seeing other women with child or reading the wonderful news of friends who revealed that they were pregnant became too much to bear at times. I considered getting off of facebook because I felt that it was doing me more harm than good, making me envious of others instead of happy, but as time went on, I got better.

After going through this experience, I realized how much of a private person I really was. That any new news of any value, I wanted to keep between my close friends and family until I was ready.

S0 I'm now ready to share my new news.... I'm PREGNANT! And not JUST pregnant, I'm 14 pounds heavier and 20 weeks pregnant! Mike and I are SO excited, worried, nervous and anxious about this baby. I assume that these are all normal feelings for first time parents who both worry and have anxiety about everything. I also know that once our baby comes, we will still feel these same feelings, but in different degree.

I conveniently took the test when Mike was away at IP school so I had to share the news with him over the phone...and then wait almost two months until I saw him in person.

11 weeks.

There's our little one, looking right at the camera. I fell in love instantly.

12 weeks, nothing really happening yet...

13 weeks

14 weeks

15 weeks

16 weeks

17 weeks

18 weeks

19 weeks

20 weeks.

Look at that little face, probably yawning ; )

Well, there you have it. I have officially "outed" myself. Now, to tackle with facebook....I've never really liked sharing news on there. I may wait just a little bit longer.