Tough Decision

Last Tuesday, I experienced yet another earthquake. I flew out of bed at 10:30 that night with my heart pounding faster than I think it ever has. I jolted so quickly that I nearly fainted and braced myself in the doorway with Mike and Huey. That was when I started to feel like this whole experience was far from over. Combined with the news reports about the Fukishima Nuclear Power Plant and you can see why it would put someone on edge. That evening and early next morning when I checked my email, several family members were urging me to leave being that I'm pregnant and radiation exposure was not worth taking the risk, no matter how small. I was starting to feel agoraphobic, afraid to leave the house or take Huey for a walk for fear that I was inhaling small amounts of radiation and exposing my unborn child to lots of risk. I went to work that day, on edge and full of emotions and wishing that I did not have to teach a class full of first graders.

Mike was on alert that day, staying near the phone at home to be crew rested in case the call came where he would have to fly in harms way. I was on edge about this as well, what wife wouldn't be? I don't want my husband near any sort of danger, no matter how slight. But, being that Mike is in the military, this is his job. Everyday that he leaves the house and I know he is going to be up in the air somewhere, I give him a kiss and I tell him to "fly safe." His response is usually a smirk and a "I always am" before he walks out the door. Usually, I don't get emotional when we go through this routine because I know that his missions are safe, that the unexpected CAN happen, but the chances are very slight. In this case, when Mike is flying 200 miles north towards a nuclear plant where radiation is leaking and the unknowns of how stable this all is, you can see another reason why I was falling apart.

Fortunately, by my lunch hour that day, Mike was still waiting on the call at home so I decided to go home during my lunch break and talk to him about the severity of all of this. Both of us were on the fence about what do to...Should I leave my job behind to go back home where it was deemed "safe"? What do I do about Huey if they do decide to evacuate us? Would they allow our pets to go as well or should I take him with me? It was understood that Mike would not be allowed to go with me, nor would he want to as he would do the noble thing by helping the Japanese. By the end of the conversation, after many tears on my end, we really had made no decision and decided to just wait it out a little longer and see if the plant would get better. That night, both of my friends came over to our house and could see through my swollen eyes and all of my worry. They both calmed me down and reassured me that everything was fine, that my pregnancy hormones were getting the better of me and in essence, I was overreacting. These were the things I needed to hear. Maybe I was overreacting? No one else seemed to be leaving and surely I wasn't the only pregnant woman in Japan. Why was I being so silly about all of this?

However, by the next morning, things were steadily getting worse. I checked my email and it seems my worries and fears rubbed off on my neighbor Kim. She sent me an email saying that other women were leaving now as well and suggested that we both travel back to the U.S. together. I was all for that as I was tired of being caught between a rock and a hard place. The last thing I wanted to do was leave my husband behind. However, my emotions were unraveling at the drop of at hat and I could sense that I was becoming somewhat of a burden for Mike as he had to worry about me, our unborn baby and our dog as opposed to focusing on how to perform his job safely and with ease.

By Thursday night, the decision was final and the $2000 tickets were purchased. Kim, her baby Mallory, our two dogs Huey and Maverick and myself were all to fly to the U.S. Saturday. We'd fly directly to New York where I would stay at my sister's and she would continue on to Texas and stay with her parents. Flash forward two days later and here I am sitting in my sister's living room with Huey snuggled on my lap. I feel very weird and displaced not being home, not being a work like I should be and especially not being with Mike. It's scary because I really don't know when we'll be back. Will it be 2 weeks before we get the all clear to return or 2 months? At that point, school will be over. As of right now, everything remains safe and stable at Yokota. There are no radiation levels detected and things seem to be running smoothly and normally. However, with that unknown looming ahead and not knowing whether the nuclear plant will get better or worse, Mike and I made the tough decision to send me and Huey back, in case a mandatory evacuation order was placed and we'd have to leave immediately. I left when Yokota issued a voluntary evacuation order, giving families of military members the option to stay or go. Like my Yokota family members, I'm on edge and worried about my family back home. Mol and Ben live over subway racks and every time I hear that rumbling sound and feel the floor start to vibrate, I get on edge, almost waiting for another earthquake to happen.

I will say that I am so grateful to be back home and spend time with my sister and see her happy and pregnant. I will be able to go to her baby shower that I've been virtually planning the past few months. I get to spend time with my mom and visit a couple friends on the east coast. There is no doubt that Mike and I made the right decision to send us back, but that doesn't mean it was easy. I can only continue to pray for the lives that were lost and for the men and women who have stayed behind to help all the Japanese in need of assistance. Thank you for your kind words and for thinking of us.

Just to make you smile, here's a video that the Japanese made to explain to children what was going on with the nuclear power plant. It's really funny actually and you gotta love Japanese take on this!